Maternity leave: 50,000 women a year don’t get jobs back

Up to 50,000 women who take maternity leave each year are unable to return to the jobs they left behind because of discrimination by employers according to figures analysed by the House of Commons library. The research found that as many as 14 per cent of the 340,000 women who take maternity leave every year find their positions under threat when they try to return. Some are told that they cannot do their old job part-time and are forced into roles with less responsibility while others are effectively constructively dismissed. Those who do return to the same job sometimes find it harder to get promotion, leading to a growing pay gap between men and women in later life.
Maternity Gap - The Independent 27 August 2013

Mothers may pass on jab fears to infants

A preliminary study of 50 mothers indicates that babies with first-time mothers exhibited signs of significantly more pain before the needle insertion and during the vaccination than those with experienced mothers. Researchers believe the heightened pain levels could be directly related to the mother’s anxiety about the procedure. Meanwhile, the mothers were also asked to estimate the pain felt by their baby during the procedure.The findings, published in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, suggest that both new and experienced mothers overestimate their child’s pain.
Nursing Times 9th January 2013

First-time Mum Review: The Essential Baby Care Guide

By Claire Williams

I watched the Essential Baby Care Guide from the position of being a pregnant first time mum whose closest previous contact with babies was seeing them on pampers adverts.  I had been pre-warned that the full set of DVDs took 8 hours to watch, so that was no surprise, though I must confess that I took so long about getting through them that my husband and I watched the final DVD post-birth.

As set out in the other review, there are 4 DVDs covering 1. Feeding, 2. Care & Development, 3. Sleeping, and 4. First Aid and Accident Prevention.  Each DVD has a good menu, allowing you to either watch an entire section, or to skip straight to the information you are interested in (e.g. baby resuscitation).  Each DVD includes interviews on the relevant topic with various parents, who are happy to explain the issues they faced with their children and how they overcame them. The real value of the DVDs however is that instead of just describing something, you are show (e.g. the ‘poo’ gallery clearly shows what you might see in the nappy of a breast fed baby, a constipated baby, what nappy rash looks like, etc).  For the clueless first time parent, being able to see what I might need to be looking for was invaluable.

The Feeding DVD covers breast feeding, bottle feeding and weaning.  Most time is spent on breast feeding advice, as the DVD goes through various problems that parents may encounter (such as mastitis and latching issues) and suggested solutions.  In contrast, the bottle feeding section is very short and essentially says you should follow the manufacturer’s instructions.  While the section on weaning looked useful, it will be a while before my daughter is ready to be weaned, so it felt a bit too soon for me to watch that section.

I found the Care & Development DVD extremely useful, with basic advice on baby hygiene and care, such as how to give baby a bath, plus information on games and toys that will interest and stimulate babies as they grow.   The Sleeping DVD was also eye-opening, as prior to watching it my husband and I hadn’t given any thought at all to questions such as when we would like to set up some sort of routine, what time is sensible for a baby or toddler to go to bed, how often and for how long children need to nap…

The final DVD, on First Aid and Accident Prevention, is perhaps the most vital to watch.  It covers basic first aid from dealing with cuts and burns right through to resuscitation and choking.  Techniques are repeatedly demonstrated, which helps fix them in your memory, and I now feel a bit more confident that I could deal appropriately with an emergency. 

All in all, the DVDs were useful, although I should note that they can seem very slow – sometimes I did start thinking ‘yes, I know, please move on’.  They can be purchased as a set, or alternatively as separates (enabling parents to only pay for the ones relevant to them).    

If you wish to buy the full set, you can get £5 off  and purchase at reduced price of £30 by purchasing direct from www.essentialparent.com and entering the code ElyNCT at checkout. For each DVD set sold The Essential Parent Company will donate £5 to the branch.

Review: The Essential Baby Care Guide

The Essential Baby Care Guide is a fabulous new DVD set that has been created by the Essential Parent Company. The 8 hours of content provide comprehensive information on 1. Feeding, 2. Care & Development, 3. Sleeping, and 4. First Aid and Accident Prevention.

The resource has been created with new parents in mind and is designed to provide information on everything you need to know from birth to 12 months, though as the parent of a 14 month old I can confirm that it contains some very valuable information which extends beyond it's target audience.

I have to say that having agreed to review this item I was a tad surprised when it arrived and was over 8 hours long! Not only did I think that sounded very long, I also thought it would need 'expert' reviewers to do it justice. As soon as I sat down to watch, I was hooked. Robert Winston is a great presenter. His gentle voice is easy to listen to and informative. At the beginning of each disc, he describes this resource as a parenting course which you can attend from your living room. That's just what it is: it covers everything, from the very basics, yet without being condescending. The advantage of being on disc rather than a course is that you can watch it again, whenever you wish, or when the information is needed.

If I was expecting my first baby now, I would definitely be buying this. I remember that feeling of getting home with Arthur and thinking, "right, we have a baby - what on earth do we do now?"  Of course I had books, but, well, when you're just had a baby there's not a great deal of time to read books! Watching a DVD is much more manageable. I could have sat in the nursing chair and watched this quite easily. It's also better than a book because you can see what they are talking about, they show you how, instead of just telling you.

Although my son is now 14 months, I still found the resource valuable. For example, after watching the section on sleep I realised that actually we could have a sleep problem. I hadn't noticed because Arthur sleeps well at night and always has, but having seen the DVD I decided that we would tweak his nap times slightly, and rearrange our schedule on a Friday to make sure he got his afternoon nap. He now sleeps even better.

As I mentioned, I am not an expert on any of the topics, but as the resource is advised and narrated by Professor Robert Winston and includes expert advice from The Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, UNICEF UK Baby Friendly Initiative, St John Ambulance, Midwives and Sleep Experts, Meningitis Research Foundation, The National Literacy Trust, and the Child Accident Prevention Trust, I think we can be sure that it offers sound advice.

I certainly makes sense to me. A great resource.

If anyone else would like to borrow these DVD's and write a review that would be great. We already have an expectant first time mum lined up to take a peek, but if there are any new parents out there (who have the time) who would like to view please let me know.

We are hoping that once the review process is over the resource will be held by the antenatal teachers so that more parents to be get the chance to preview the resource.

There are several  official videos to be found on YouTube, and you may also want to like the Essential Parent Facebook Page to get updates, tips and competitions

If you would like your own copy, it is available nationwide from John Lewis, Amazon and www.essentialparent.com.  This website also has more information about the resource, plus some videos, tips and previews. You can buy the whole set for £35 or individual DVD's for £10 each.

If you wish to buy the full set, you can get £5 off  and purchase at reduced price of £30 by purchasing direct from www.essentialparent.com and entering the code ElyNCT at checkout. For each DVD set sold The Essential Parent Company will donate £5 to the branch.

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Debate: Do you find parenting hard or easy?

from the NCT editors yahoo group database

Parenting undoubtedly has its ups and downs. Parents have told us which aspects of parenting they struggle with and the things that they have found most rewarding. What have you found the hardest and easiest aspects of parenting? Let us know by commenting at the end of this article.

Hard!

I found the first few weeks really hard. I expected to fall in love with my baby at first sight and it just didn't happen. We got there eventually, but everything, the sleeplessness, breastfeeding, what to do with a newborn, was difficult. On the positive side, second time round I did fall in love at first sight!

I've just had my second baby and I remember very clearly the same time with my daughter (now 2).  It's so different this time.  With my daughter I hated the first 2 months, I didn't like her or what she'd done to me or my life. I remember crying my eyes out the first day my husband went back to work as I couldn't stop her crying and we went for a walk and I was frozen. I took to walking around shopping centres after that. I think it can be quite a lonely time, especially with winter babies.  I've met loads of mums since who have been desperate to go back to work at 3 months, but then when they get to 6 months take the rest of the year off! Anyway, my new little one is a star!

I personally found the newborn phase absolutely horrendous. I hated every minute of it and was just counting down the days until that magic 12 week point. I was on the verge of walking out the front door many times. Unfortunately, as my baby had an intolerance that we were still trying to diagnose and treat effectively, the 8 hours minimum of screaming a day just went on and on until almost 16 weeks. I never expected having a baby to be simple or for it to feel like I had finally found my calling, and I believe that this (along with some amazing NCT friends) got me through it without having a breakdown of some sort.

The hardest thing for me was when I had my second son. My first born was bright, eager to please, loving and popular. My second really struggled at school and his frustrations were often taken out on me - he would scream insults at me, refuse to let me cuddle him or tell him how much I loved him, hit out at other children and generally made it very difficult to like him. I felt like a really bad mother especially when you read so many articles about 'perfect parents and children'! Happily, he is now a lot happier and has made some good friends and seems to quite like me too now, although not all the time of course!

I once heard someone say that if you find parenting easy, you’re not doing it properly. I think the overwhelming sense of responsibility we feel every second of every day can be hard. The challenge as a hitherto calm and quiet-natured woman of dealing with an exceptionally strong-willed and energetic son – of keeping up with his relentless quest to test the strength and resilience of everything from the sofa to my patience! The shock of discovering just how hard it is to care for two children when the second arrives – two hands/arms are never enough…

Here are a couple of things I found hard:
Breastfeeding was extremely painful on my nipples for at least the first eight weeks. I tried everything, nipple shields, Kamilosan, Lansinoh, repositioning with a lot of advice from midwives and breastfeeding counsellors and nothing seemed to help. In the end it was just a matter of perseverance and maybe letting my boobs 'air' a little (and using no breast pads) that helped!
Social life. I found it really hard to make proper friends. There are loads of groups around and I've been to several but it takes so long to get to know anyone, or feel like I have a group of friends with babies the same age. For the first 9 months my baby was always the youngest in the groups I went to.

I have never been as tired as I have since having children.  Despite working as a teacher for 12 years before starting my family I had never felt more stressed, tired, trapped and infuriated as I have at times over the last 7 years.  The sheer unending nature of parenting makes it truly the hardest task in the world, with no ‘weekend’ and no let up in the responsibility one has to have. At least at work we get weekends, holidays and time out to recharge batteries and take a breather. Having a supportive partner who can give ‘time out’ or take some of the tasks on makes life much easier, but nevertheless our relationship is often tested as we try to juggle all the demands of working, running a home, and bringing up our children.

Here are a few things I found it tough...my lows.
Not having family nearby. Lots of friends had grandparents who came to visit and let them have an afternoon out/off. We had no-one within 100 miles. Felt like no escape at times....      
Feeling tired all day but then strangely unable to nod off to sleep at night as my head was whizzing with baby things. I'd just be nodding off to sleep when the baby would wake up. Typical!
Having a neighbour with 3 kids under 3 who makes it look easy to be a mum. I struggled with one!
Having a husband who, although I know does really appreciate what I do, still thinks it's funny to make out that all I do is drink tea all day and play....grrrr.
Having anything in common with old friends. If they haven't had kids then it's easy to lack things in common and find yourself talking about baby things and baby friends.

I wouldn’t change having children for the world, but if I am honest, I feel as if I have sold my soul at times. It’s all about the children; rarely do I focus on me or my needs. The hard times seem to outweigh the easy times. I am hoping this eases as they get older and it’s not all so intense.

The hardest thing I have found is the emotions that get stirred up in me since having a child. When my son is misbehaving I get angry very quickly (something I didn't experience before) though I do manage to control it.

Easy!

Things I love about parenting? Oh yes, no problem! Ten months into motherhood I have never smiled or laughed so much in my life. I spend so much time being silly and trying to get my daughter to chuckle at me because when she does, it is the best sound in the world! Although it's hard work being in each others' pockets all the time (I've given up work to look after her for a bit), it is far more rewarding than any job I've done so far and having her is definitely my finest achievement!

I love the way my daughter is constantly changing. Each time she does something new, no matter how mischievous, it amazes me. From the first smile, to pretending that the TV remote is a telephone or learning to climb on the sofa or throw sand out of the sand pit, each day is full of firsts.

I love the way that children allow you to be so sociable. Having a child is a great way to start conversations, whether in shops, at bus stops or on holidays. I find it really hard now going on the bus without my little girl as I miss the way she smiles at everyone and breaks that unwritten rule that people don't talk to strangers on the bus.

I lived in my current house for 3 years before my daughter came along. All my friends were living in other areas and I didn't really know anyone locally. Now, I can't get round my local shops or park without bumping into someone I know, a great way to feel like I really belong to my local community.

My son was not a planned baby, but he is such a blessing and has completely changed my life. Yes I might spend half my life telling him 'no' or 'stop' but instead of working full time and falling asleep on the sofa before I’ve had time to make any tea, I now have a job which I love, where I only need to work 16 hours, I get to socialise with other mums during the week, and I have time to cook with a little helper.

I find them liberating, for example they're more important than housework, and with tiny children there's a good excuse not to travel for miles to see relations; they come to us instead.

I like the way that they enable us to see the world in a new and better light. For example when we take a pile of junk to school for the Making Box, and I think 'phew, a nice tidy house', merely a few hours later we're saying 'Wow, a space rocket!!'

Do your children play in the street?

Interesting article in the Independent about children playing in the street http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/freerange-fun-would-you-let-your-childrenplay-in-the-street-8082397.html

What do you think? Do your children play in the street?

Where do you get your parenting advice?

A few things inspired me for for my post this month. Firstly, Hannah's comments on a previous post about books that she had read, the recent item posted under The Snip about the varying quality of online advice, and a conversation with mother of three who said that all baby books had been found to make parents feel inadequate in some way, no matter what their philosophy or intention.

I am sure all of us have turned to a book or the web at some point. I was advised to read Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer book. I have to say I was offended by almost everything Tracy had to say, after all she was accusing me of "accidental parenting" when I truly felt I was doing my best to respond to my baby's needs. I wasn't all bad though. Even though I was being offended I was compelled to read the whole book, as I thought that there were elements  of value. We didn't follow EASY. What was easier for me was to follow my baby's cues and work out how our life together could work for both of us. I do have to admit, I did turn to Tracey again when Arthur was about 7 months old and I was trying to move him from my bed to his own cot so that he would be safe when I wasn't there.  There was an element of 'pick up - put down' in my own custom made sleep training.

I felt much more in tune with Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Australian writer Sarah Buckley. However, my birth wasn't quite what Sarah would recommend (or what I had hoped for) so I can really see how books like this can unintentionally make mothers feel bad for not being able to do everything perfectly. I read the birthing part of this before Arthur was born and I have to admit it took me a while to pick up again afterwards to read the mothering part. This is because I was aware that the front of the book contained all the reasons why I shouldn't have had a hospital birth, been induced or and had an epidural (all of which I was very grateful for - we did what the situation required at the time). I am pleased to say I still didn't revisit those early chapters and give myself a guilt trip either.

I ended up being comforted by William & Martha Sears' Attachment Parenting Book. I think the main reason for this is because it tells you to "Beware of Baby Trainers" and I was still reeling a bit from Tracy when I came to this. It was comforting to read that following my intuition and responding to my baby was the right thing to do. It also set me free a little, in that it made be believe that I did have the capacity to do that.

Looking back on it now, I guess it told me that I don't really need a manual, but luckily for the Sears family, I bought The Baby Book before I realised that!


I also use lots of online resources. I am a self confessed crazy googler. However, I do like to think I have the capacity to critically analyse what I read and I do question lots of online content. One thing I like about the internet though, is if you keep searching, you'll eventually find an answer that you like! That's usually the one I choose to believe!

So, how about you?

Where do you get your parenting guidance? Are there any books which you would recommend (or avoid) or any websites that are of particular value? Do you have a story to tell about what helped you the most? We would love you to share this with other parents by commenting below.

Please note - this is not official NCT advice, just the ramblings of a mother. You can find the official NCT guidance here http://www.nct.org.uk/parenting.