A few things inspired me for for my post this month. Firstly, Hannah's comments on a
previous post about books that she had read, the
recent item posted under
The Snip about the varying quality of online advice, and a conversation with mother of three who said that all baby books had been found to make parents feel inadequate in some way, no matter what their philosophy or intention.
I am sure all of us have turned to a book or the web at some point. I was advised to read Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer book. I have to say I was offended by almost everything Tracy had to say, after all she was accusing me of "accidental parenting" when I truly felt I was doing my best to respond to my baby's needs. I wasn't all bad though. Even though I was being offended I was compelled to read the whole book, as I thought that there were elements of value. We didn't follow EASY. What was easier for me was to follow my baby's cues and work out how our life together could work for both of us. I do have to admit, I did turn to Tracey again when Arthur was about 7 months old and I was trying to move him from my bed to his own cot so that he would be safe when I wasn't there. There was an element of 'pick up - put down' in my own custom made sleep training.
I felt much more in tune with Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Australian writer Sarah Buckley. However, my birth wasn't quite what Sarah would recommend (or what I had hoped for) so I can really see how books like this can unintentionally make mothers feel bad for not being able to do everything perfectly. I read the birthing part of this before Arthur was born and I have to admit it took me a while to pick up again afterwards to read the mothering part. This is because I was aware that the front of the book contained all the reasons why I shouldn't have had a hospital birth, been induced or and had an epidural (all of which I was very grateful for - we did what the situation required at the time). I am pleased to say I still didn't revisit those early chapters and give myself a guilt trip either.
I ended up being comforted by William & Martha Sears' Attachment Parenting Book. I think the main reason for this is because it tells you to "Beware of Baby Trainers" and I was still reeling a bit from Tracy when I came to this. It was comforting to read that following my intuition and responding to my baby was the right thing to do. It also set me free a little, in that it made be believe that I did have the capacity to do that.
Looking back on it now, I guess it told me that I don't really need a manual, but luckily for the Sears family, I bought The Baby Book before I realised that!
I also use lots of online resources. I am a self confessed crazy googler. However, I do like to think I have the capacity to critically analyse what I read and I do question lots of online content. One thing I like about the internet though, is if you keep searching, you'll eventually find an answer that you like! That's usually the one I choose to believe!
So, how about you?
Where do you get your parenting guidance? Are there any books which you would recommend (or avoid) or any websites that are of particular value? Do you have a story to tell about what helped you the most? We would love you to share this with other parents by commenting below.
Please note - this is not official NCT advice, just the ramblings of a mother. You can find the official NCT guidance here http://www.nct.org.uk/parenting.
