For me it was neither of those. It was hard work though, and I hadn't a clue what I was doing. Being on my own meant I was anxious at times, not having anyone here to ask silly questions, like "do you think his breathing is OK? Is that nappy too tight? Should he really spit up this much?
I was lucky. I didn't suffer from post natal depression, or even the baby blues, but I do know people who did. Even though I was fine, getting out and socialising with other people was vital to me. It still is. We try to leave the house every day, even if it's just a walk to the post box or the corner shop.
In some ways, I think being single helped me here. I had to go out if I wanted to have a grown up conversation. I joined some groups, started baby swimming lessons, and baby massage classes. I think I would have done less if I had a husband, and my days may have been more about waiting for him to come home. BB was breastfeeding so he had food wherever we went - if we weren't home at tea time no one cared.
I believe that as a new parent, having a place to go where you can chat with people in a similar situation is vital for any new mum. Even better would be a place that also attracts people that have been where you are, learnt a few tips which they can pass on, and better still survived! Groups such as B3 are a perfect example. This is why I volunteer for the NCT, to make sure the funding for these groups continues.
One part of my volunteer role is to help organise the Big Push. The Big Push raises money to support new parents who are struggling; giving them the opportunity to share their anxieties and frustrations through local support groups like Bumps & Babies and via the helplines and other services.
Our Isle of Ely Big Push is taking place on Saturday 18th May. So far we have two people signed up to walk (and one of those is me!). We need more! Could it be you? You don't have to be a member to join in and we welcome new people. Coming for a walk could be great way for you to make some new friends, or catch up with some old ones.
In case I haven't convinced you, here's Marisa's story
by Marisa, Kidderminster
There is a day I will probably remember forever. Not wanting to go home because of how I was feeling but not knowing where to go, I drove into town. In the car my two year old started to behave badly, my baby started crying and things became really fraught. I was driving quite fast and the thought of driving into a lamp post to make the noise stop and get some rest and support from my family crossed my mind. I was really frightened and pulled over to try and pull myself together. That was me at my lowest.
I had a difficult pregnancy with my second child, suffering from pre-eclampsia and sickness but after the birth I came home feeling lovely and content. In fact, my midwife was amazed at my recovery from a caesarean section and the smile on my face.
I cannot tell you when those feelings changed as I don’t know myself. Two weeks after the birth of my first child I had had the baby blues, I felt anxious all the time and thought I would never cope as a mother. However they only lasted a couple of days and I never looked back. This time though, I did not notice my mood change, all I know is my sweet two year old became the devil and I was finding things very hard.
Postnatal depression is more common than you think - it can affect anyone. NCT supported me without judgement and I’m telling my story to ensure that others can receive the same help.
When my husband went back to work, I noticed I was shouting at the children a lot more and I could not stand the baby crying. One incident that particularly sticks in my head was when my daughter would not get dressed and was screaming and kicking me. I got really angry and shouted and got her hand and smacked it. I will always remember the shocked look on my daughter’s face, it will stay with me forever.
Things were getting out of control and I could not see it. Thankfully my midwife eventually suggested I visit my GP. It was hard talking about how I had been feeling, but I had to recognise I was depressed and not enjoying motherhood. The doctor suggested I got more support to speak to my husband about how difficult I was finding things and gave me a prescription for antidepressants.
The day after I hit rock bottom I went to my NCT coffee morning. It was there that I found my true friends. Cath, Teresa and Jenn made me feel like I was not alone. I thank them so much and want them to know that that moment meant a lot.
I am currently still taking the medication, most days are good, some days are still hard but I can cope with them better and I am happy.
If you are able to raise a little cash to help the NCT to continue to support people like Marisa, please sign up here.
Thank you
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