by Helen Cox
Researchers have tried to tackle this question, and while
they can't say definitively that every woman should wait two to three years
between births, many of the studies do settle roughly on that time frame.
Here's a rundown of the research:
- Waiting 18 to 23 months after the birth of your last child before conceiving another seems best for the new baby's health, according to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Doctors found that babies conceived less than six months after the birth of a previous child are 40 per cent more likely to be born prematurely or underweight. And those conceived more than 10 years after their closest sibling face about double the risk of preterm birth.
- A similar study at the University of California in San Francisco found that the ideal interval between babies is 24 to 35 months. Babies conceived sooner had a higher incidence of low birth weight. Doctors suspect a mother's body may need that time to recover from the stress and replenish all the nutrients she lost as a result of the first pregnancy.
- When your first child is aged under one year or aged over four years is the ideal time in terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, according to Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies. She believes children under one don't have a sense of their special status yet, and that those over four have had enough time to enjoy attention from Mummy and Daddy, plus they now have a life of their own.
So what are the things you may want to consider before having a second child?
How old is your other child?
There is no right or wrong answer here, though the research,
above, suggests it might not be wise to get pregnant if you've got a baby under
six months. People go both ways on this question. Some think the older your
other children, the better. That way they've had plenty of time with you and
they can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have.
Others think spacing your children close together ensures they'll be playmates
for life, and that you won't be spending the rest of your life raising small
children.
How will another child change your lifestyle?
Are you settled into a nice routine with your other
children? Do you have good childcare set up? Are
your other children sleeping
through the night? Perhaps you've reached the point where you and your
partner have time for each other again. Maybe you've gone back to work and you
love it. These are all important considerations when you're thinking of having
another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you
have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are
ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house.
What's your financial situation?
Money isn't everything, but you do need some financial
stability when you're raising a family. Considering that each child costs
thousands of pounds a year to care for, you'll need a little extra in your
monthly budget before you conceive another child (or you'll need to pull your
belt in another notch!). It's important to consider your work situation, too.
Many women find it more difficult to keep up with full- or even part-time work
once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to stay at home or
to pay for the new baby's childcare if you want to stay in your job?
How old are you?
Unfortunately age is a factor, especially for women. If
you're 38 years old and you want two more, you don't have the luxury of spacing
them three years apart. But if you're under 30, and you don't have any health
problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more
flexible with your timing. There are no hard and fast cut-offs in terms of age.
Many women can still get pregnant in their early 40s, but fertility rates do
drop dramatically once you reach 35.
Do you and your partner agree?
Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn't. It's
hard to be in sync all the time. This is a tough one to settle, but the first
step is to start talking about your differences. Sit down together and discuss
your points of view. You may not solve anything at that moment, but you'll have
a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation,
too.
What does your heart say?
You can mull over the pluses and minuses of having another
child forever without coming to a firm conclusion. This is one of those
decisions that's best led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you
want another baby, and your partner wants one, too, there may be no time like
the present.
What do you think about age gaps?
Catherine Hookway, Hillingdon NCT
The following quotes describe the pros and cons
of close and long age gaps between children.
“I don't think there's a perfect age gap -
depends on your financial circumstances, how you feel emotionally and
physically, how much support you have, and also on the temperament of your
older child. I think you just should go with what suits your circumstances.”
“I like having a small age gap as younger children are more resilient
to change and are less likely to remember what it was like being the only one,
so will be less jealous.”
“I think close spacing is hard on the parents
for the first 2 years, but the benefits of having them close in age come after
that, as soon as the children can play together.”
“A smaller gap gets the hard work over with
quickly, but the expenses come closer together and there’s more squabbling
later as the children's interests overlap.”
I am expecting my second and will have a 13
month age gap which was planned! I am the eldest of 3 and there are age gaps of
16 months then 11 months between us and we all loved being so close together
and still do. I have only positive memories of it and I think if my mum could manage with three aged under
3 living in a 2 bedroom flat and going everywhere on the bus, then I should be
able to cope with 2 in a house and with a car!”
“My daughters are 14 months apart. It was very hard at first but now
they are best friends. I think they will be very close as they grow up,
especially as teenagers when they are going through everything together.”
“I have 3 children the first 2 are only 18
months apart. At first it was really hard battling with a new baby and a
relentless toddler, but now at 3 and 4 they play well together.”
“If the older one is already at playgroup it is
easier on you – you can have naps during the day when the baby sleeps to catch
up on being up in the night, and that means you have a bit more energy for your
older one when they get home. Unless you have family to help out it would be
very hard to have a toddler at home all day and cope with being up half the
night with a newborn.”
“I’d say about 2 years is ideal – certainly as adults
it seems that my friends all say they
got on well with siblings around 2 years apart from them. I’m nearly 6 years
older than my youngest sister which is a bit too much!”
“I have a 3 year gap between my first and second and then 4 years
between her and my third. This meant I was able to devote a lot more time to
them as babies, as my first was at playgroup when the second was born, and the
same with the third.”
“I think a 3 year gap is great as the older one
is no longer totally dependent upon you and you can devote more time to the
baby.”
“I have a 3 year gap because I work and we just
couldn’t afford to pay for two lots of childminding fees – we had to wait until
the oldest was at school nursery. On the other hand if you are taking a few
years off work, it makes more sense to have them close together so you can make
the most of that time and have them settled in nursery or school before you go
back to work.”
“I don’t think I could have coped with less than 3 years!
It just makes it so much easier when the older one can communicate and
understand what is going on, and also there are the practicalities, such as not
having to carry the younger one upstairs or lift them into the car or highchair
when you are pregnant.”
“My daughter is 3 and a half years older than her brother
and is not jealous and is very helpful and considerate...plus with a new baby
to look after I am relieved she is no longer
in the "into everything" stage...”
“I wanted a close age gap and started trying when my eldest was 4
months old. It then took us 3 years to get pregnant so we have a 4 year gap. As
it turned out it works very well. Although I think there are some disadvantages
because they are not at the same stage and enjoying the same things at the same
time, it is much easier in many ways: my eldest started school soon after my
youngest was born so they didn‘t have to compete for my attention and my eldest
has never shown signs of jealousy.”
“Advantages of a larger gap are that you have
time to recover physically and can also enjoy each child as an individual. It
means your child has your undivided attention for the first few years and
spreads costs over a longer period of time.”
“I just
think you have to go with what suits you best. I have friends with small age
gaps and they love it, but also some with 4 or 5 year gaps which work really
well for them. On the other hand a lot of people don’t have the choice – just
depends how long it takes you to get pregnant. Whatever you decide or fate
decides for you, you just have to make the best of it and the most important
thing is to enjoy your children whatever family size or age gaps you have”.
What is the age gap between your children and what have been the advantages and disadvantages? Let us know by commenting below.
No comments:
Post a Comment