Debate: Do you find parenting hard or easy?

from the NCT editors yahoo group database

Parenting undoubtedly has its ups and downs. Parents have told us which aspects of parenting they struggle with and the things that they have found most rewarding. What have you found the hardest and easiest aspects of parenting? Let us know by commenting at the end of this article.

Hard!

I found the first few weeks really hard. I expected to fall in love with my baby at first sight and it just didn't happen. We got there eventually, but everything, the sleeplessness, breastfeeding, what to do with a newborn, was difficult. On the positive side, second time round I did fall in love at first sight!

I've just had my second baby and I remember very clearly the same time with my daughter (now 2).  It's so different this time.  With my daughter I hated the first 2 months, I didn't like her or what she'd done to me or my life. I remember crying my eyes out the first day my husband went back to work as I couldn't stop her crying and we went for a walk and I was frozen. I took to walking around shopping centres after that. I think it can be quite a lonely time, especially with winter babies.  I've met loads of mums since who have been desperate to go back to work at 3 months, but then when they get to 6 months take the rest of the year off! Anyway, my new little one is a star!

I personally found the newborn phase absolutely horrendous. I hated every minute of it and was just counting down the days until that magic 12 week point. I was on the verge of walking out the front door many times. Unfortunately, as my baby had an intolerance that we were still trying to diagnose and treat effectively, the 8 hours minimum of screaming a day just went on and on until almost 16 weeks. I never expected having a baby to be simple or for it to feel like I had finally found my calling, and I believe that this (along with some amazing NCT friends) got me through it without having a breakdown of some sort.

The hardest thing for me was when I had my second son. My first born was bright, eager to please, loving and popular. My second really struggled at school and his frustrations were often taken out on me - he would scream insults at me, refuse to let me cuddle him or tell him how much I loved him, hit out at other children and generally made it very difficult to like him. I felt like a really bad mother especially when you read so many articles about 'perfect parents and children'! Happily, he is now a lot happier and has made some good friends and seems to quite like me too now, although not all the time of course!

I once heard someone say that if you find parenting easy, you’re not doing it properly. I think the overwhelming sense of responsibility we feel every second of every day can be hard. The challenge as a hitherto calm and quiet-natured woman of dealing with an exceptionally strong-willed and energetic son – of keeping up with his relentless quest to test the strength and resilience of everything from the sofa to my patience! The shock of discovering just how hard it is to care for two children when the second arrives – two hands/arms are never enough…

Here are a couple of things I found hard:
Breastfeeding was extremely painful on my nipples for at least the first eight weeks. I tried everything, nipple shields, Kamilosan, Lansinoh, repositioning with a lot of advice from midwives and breastfeeding counsellors and nothing seemed to help. In the end it was just a matter of perseverance and maybe letting my boobs 'air' a little (and using no breast pads) that helped!
Social life. I found it really hard to make proper friends. There are loads of groups around and I've been to several but it takes so long to get to know anyone, or feel like I have a group of friends with babies the same age. For the first 9 months my baby was always the youngest in the groups I went to.

I have never been as tired as I have since having children.  Despite working as a teacher for 12 years before starting my family I had never felt more stressed, tired, trapped and infuriated as I have at times over the last 7 years.  The sheer unending nature of parenting makes it truly the hardest task in the world, with no ‘weekend’ and no let up in the responsibility one has to have. At least at work we get weekends, holidays and time out to recharge batteries and take a breather. Having a supportive partner who can give ‘time out’ or take some of the tasks on makes life much easier, but nevertheless our relationship is often tested as we try to juggle all the demands of working, running a home, and bringing up our children.

Here are a few things I found it tough...my lows.
Not having family nearby. Lots of friends had grandparents who came to visit and let them have an afternoon out/off. We had no-one within 100 miles. Felt like no escape at times....      
Feeling tired all day but then strangely unable to nod off to sleep at night as my head was whizzing with baby things. I'd just be nodding off to sleep when the baby would wake up. Typical!
Having a neighbour with 3 kids under 3 who makes it look easy to be a mum. I struggled with one!
Having a husband who, although I know does really appreciate what I do, still thinks it's funny to make out that all I do is drink tea all day and play....grrrr.
Having anything in common with old friends. If they haven't had kids then it's easy to lack things in common and find yourself talking about baby things and baby friends.

I wouldn’t change having children for the world, but if I am honest, I feel as if I have sold my soul at times. It’s all about the children; rarely do I focus on me or my needs. The hard times seem to outweigh the easy times. I am hoping this eases as they get older and it’s not all so intense.

The hardest thing I have found is the emotions that get stirred up in me since having a child. When my son is misbehaving I get angry very quickly (something I didn't experience before) though I do manage to control it.

Easy!

Things I love about parenting? Oh yes, no problem! Ten months into motherhood I have never smiled or laughed so much in my life. I spend so much time being silly and trying to get my daughter to chuckle at me because when she does, it is the best sound in the world! Although it's hard work being in each others' pockets all the time (I've given up work to look after her for a bit), it is far more rewarding than any job I've done so far and having her is definitely my finest achievement!

I love the way my daughter is constantly changing. Each time she does something new, no matter how mischievous, it amazes me. From the first smile, to pretending that the TV remote is a telephone or learning to climb on the sofa or throw sand out of the sand pit, each day is full of firsts.

I love the way that children allow you to be so sociable. Having a child is a great way to start conversations, whether in shops, at bus stops or on holidays. I find it really hard now going on the bus without my little girl as I miss the way she smiles at everyone and breaks that unwritten rule that people don't talk to strangers on the bus.

I lived in my current house for 3 years before my daughter came along. All my friends were living in other areas and I didn't really know anyone locally. Now, I can't get round my local shops or park without bumping into someone I know, a great way to feel like I really belong to my local community.

My son was not a planned baby, but he is such a blessing and has completely changed my life. Yes I might spend half my life telling him 'no' or 'stop' but instead of working full time and falling asleep on the sofa before I’ve had time to make any tea, I now have a job which I love, where I only need to work 16 hours, I get to socialise with other mums during the week, and I have time to cook with a little helper.

I find them liberating, for example they're more important than housework, and with tiny children there's a good excuse not to travel for miles to see relations; they come to us instead.

I like the way that they enable us to see the world in a new and better light. For example when we take a pile of junk to school for the Making Box, and I think 'phew, a nice tidy house', merely a few hours later we're saying 'Wow, a space rocket!!'

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